aphanon_meme (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aphanon_meme) wrote2013-08-02 08:21 pm
aphanon_meme) wrote2013-08-02 08:21 pm
part 337 christmas in july miracles
Meme! I almost thought I would never get to make a new post and say "Meme!! He updated! He really really updated! (which I'm sure most people in the fandom know by now!) In case you missed it JUST LOOK AT THIS. My goodness. A true, real Christmas In July miracle. ...... Wait it's August.
I feel silly now.
ENJOY PART 337!
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I feel silly now.
ENJOY PART 337!
Latest Page
View flat!
*There is a rules page here. Please read it before reading and posting.
*There is a contact post here. Please use it for contacting me privately.
*There is a meme calender you can use for tracking and listing meme events!
*If you would like the Dreamwidth layout to look more like Livejournal's, you can use this workaround for your browser
Note: All entries prior to Part 331 originated on Livejournal.
Re: +1
If you want respect, it's your job to demand it. That's exactly the problem, if it were that easy they wouldn't be here. She met Teuton before him, she'd been trying almost as long as she'd been on the meme to get him to acknowledge her. Admittedly never too seriously because she well understands he's a product of his time, but she has gently reminded him that she was a Knight too, that women can fight, and other things of that nature. But the idea that she's just trying now isn't fair, she only cares now because you're asking her to care. Because his sexism is hurting a little girl who hasn't grown a thick skin to rampant sexism and misogyny like she has.
She doesn't blame him for the unfairness of their childhoods, and she doesn't want him to carry her burdens. All she wants is for him to understand the weight of what he's asking. It's unfair to say it's her responsibility to demand respect, when both demanding and even earning respect still got her a grand total of zero respect at times. It's especially unfair to call her a shitty parent, and to accuse her of wiggling out of her responsibilities for not being able to get little him to quit picking fights with little her.
Does he want to raise the Teutons as modern kids? Then man the fuck up and teach him how to respect women instead of complaining that she doesn't do it. Or does he want to let them be medieval in thought and action while providing only shelter and food? Then don't tell her she's not parenting when they fight. Because they will fight. Little her will defend her honor to death and little him will continue to be sexist until he grows up and telling her that makes her a bad parent hurts.
And it's funny, she never tried to believe pop psychology that women only discuss their problems to get empathy while men discuss problems to find solutions, but boy are they exhibiting it. She doesn't want him to fix anything, she's not asking him to fix anything. He's getting angry over nothing because she's not asking him to be a knight and slay all past misogyny with his shining sword, she's just asking him to understand.
Understand that she encourages her little self to fight back not because she's a shit parent and wants to make life miserable for him, but because the only way she can ever hope to get respect for literally centuries is through strength. Understand that she keeps her at a distance because for a little girl who grows up in a world where nothing she can do will ever be enough to make up for a lack of a penis, who only manages to be relatively happy because she clings to the ambition of being the 'biggest, strongest knight ever,' nothing will hurt her more than finding out about their future.
She's not cruel, she doesn't pick on the kids for fun. And most of all it hurts that he'd ever think that, let alone say that to her.]
I'm sorry Gil...I...shit, I just wanted you to listen. I love little me, and little you, and you. And I'll take care of any of you, us, at the drop of a hat, for however long you want. But I can't keep them from fighting anymore than I can keep us from fighting. I'm not trying to mooch, so stop treating me like a deadbeat.
[She squeezes the teddy tighter without realizing it. Maybe she's just generally more tactile than him, because now she just wants to ease the forming bruise away. But she knows better. He's gonna storm out just like last time, isn't he? He always does this to her and she wishes he'll stay and let them sort this out. Because to her family uses fists, and family hurts, but what makes family family is that they're the ones who sit through the hurt and the pain and try to at least make it worth something. Even if they only agree on something small it's better than going to bed on hurt feelings.]
Re: +1
It was a mild criticism, he wasn't damning her entirely, though it sounded that way he knows his statements had little weight. All he wanted was a little backup, but he pushed at a button, hit a festering sore without realizing, and got a shitstorm instead. This wasn't his intention.
He wanted her to handle it. To say what she needed to say to both party, to watch them, to make sure they didn't kill each other. That's all. He never really processed the gender issue until she brought it up. He doesn't fully understand why it matters to her--they're children--and he probably never will.
It's stupid. It's a stupid conflict spurred by bad wording, frustration, and stung feelings. The children are fighting, there's no need for the adults to do so too. It's late and his head is throbbing and he can barely process what she's saying. He sits up as she gets off, his hands clenching and unclenching as he stamps down whatever it is he's feeling right now. Some mashup of different upsets and regrets. There's always an impulse to hit back, but he has a tight reign on it. They're opposites in that sense; He has better control over his fists than his words.
He's wiping and spitting blood into his shirt. Wincing at her apology because she doesn't need to give it.]
Don't--[he cuts her off, waving it all away. Tired. Settling it. There's no solving this, he realizes. It's too complex for him. She's already made her point. He gets it, there's just not a lot he can say about it. Not much he feels he can do.]
I don't want to talk about this shit anymore. Tissues. Beer. Ice. Icecream. Whatever. Something. [There's still a coldness in his voice, but at least he's not bolting.]
Re: +1
She's happy to back him up, but she thinks he lets his modern sentiments get a hold of him on this issue. They're children by every standard but their own- childhood as a concept never existed in their time and Julchen isn't entirely against treating them like adults. If her little self isn't shielded from the gender issue by virtue of looking like an eight year old human then it's hard to justify not bringing it up in her mind.
But she's tired too. Tired of all of it really but mostly just tired of fighting with him. Naturally they're similar in a magnitude of ways but sometimes it feels like they're different in all the wrong ways. All the perfect ways to make them fight. A fist is more satisfying than cold words, at least if he hit her he'd work out some tension and it'd all be temporary to her. But if a cold order for food is what keeps him from leaving her alone with her thoughts then she'll take it.]
Okay. Be right back.
[Even as awesomely Germanic as she is, it's too early for beer. But she does return quickly with tissues, an icepack, and a carton of ice cream with two spoons. Handing the carton to him, she starts dabbing at blood with the tissues and pressing the ice pack to his face without asking. If you won't accept her apology at least let her play nurse.]
Re: +1
That's how he feels right now. But she's right, there's a part of him that wants to give them a chance at a normal childhood. It's hard to let that go and approach them otherwise.
He's quiet when she returns. Quiet when she hands him the carton. And quiet when she fussing over him. He in honesty doesn't want her near him, let alone touching him. But he allows it, not wanting to wake up with this problem in the morning.
He's lost in his thoughts, barely feeling anything. She's made him feel bad. Maybe a part of him didn't really process the enormity of what it was like for her as a child to be the wrong gender in the worst possible place. For her little self, the existence of his self, must be a giant slap in the face. His little self is a bully, he can't deny it, especially at the age where children naturally love to pick on weakness.
He GROAAANS again, suddenly, gently peeling the icepack from her.]
You--Don't worry about this either--It--I---[Stumbling over his words now, grasping at some sort of an apology on the tip of his tongue]
I-It's my fault anyway. I shouldn't have brought up Monika. Or So...even. We're even.
Re: +1
But she doesn't want him to feel bad about it. And she almost starts to fuss when he groans but his words cut her off.]
Thanks.
[She grabs the carton back, opening it and taking the first bite before offering it back to him. It's not that she wanted to steal from him, but anything more than a quiet acceptance of his apology and she'd start crying about how much she misses her sister. All her tough guy bravado goes out the window when Monika is involved.]
//passes out <#33
No icecream, I bit my tongue, it'll just freakin' hurt. I wanted a beer, stingy. [waves it away crawling under her sheets]
Let me crash in your bed with you tonight. I'll listen to your Knight stories or whatever until we pass out or something... [he's offering to hear about her experience, he hasn't done that before. He's trying.]
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
[Takes another bite then stashes it somewhere. She might have melted ice cream on her hands in the morning but whatever. Twin cuddling takes priority.]
Alright. And in a one time little brother special I won't make you work out with me in the morning.
[She brings the blankets up over them with a little smile, probably for the first time in her life talking about her childhood without embellishment. It's not all different and depressing, and maybe if he stays awake long enough he'll find out the mystery of her scar.]