part 340 tender lumplings everywhere

[aphanon_meme]

The best season is coming, meme! Halloween season! I mean... fall! Yeah, fall. I love the fall. I actually like every season in its own way, but I think fall has the best atmosphere. Crunching leaves and pumpkins and excuses to decorate the outside of your house with fake spider webs and zombie hands. Also it means... Hetalia Halloween fanart! (Maybe even... something from Himaruya? Maybe? Bueller? No?)

Enjoy part 340!

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Comments

[whorestria]

All the separate incidents seem to have blurred into one at this point...

[dererste]

KESESESESE!! If you can name a specific incident, then that's evidence you're pulling shit out of your ass as usual!!! All of Europe knows the truth anyway!! If anyone here's the crybaby, it's you, you too sensitive prissy boy!! [poke pokepokepokepokepoke waistcoat flip Pokepoke what's in your pockets, checks.]

It's alright, Specs, the kind-hearted me forgives you once again for your natural rudeness!! No need to be ashamed!! Oi!! On the news, I heard it's a natural defense mechanmajingy to accuse your too cool superiors of shit you're guilty of doing yourself!!

[whorestria]

[Contents of pockets: one (1) pocketwatch, one (1) frilly handkerchief, one (1) half-finished bag of sweets, two (2) messy scribbled pages of notes and unintelligible handwriting]

You can continue to tell yourself that if it comforts you somehow. Tsk- what are you doing- [Flaps his hands at you!] I hardly get myself into such a state over juvenile problems.

[dererste]

[Takes everything and takes a step back at that hand flapping. Pockets pocket watch, starts to dig into that bag of sweets, wipes his mouth with that handkerchief and spreads out one of the crumpled notes to leer down at]

Do too!! You nearly cried that time you dropped those plates on the floor and broke everything!! West told the all knowing me all about it!! [But unfortunately, he has more pressing issues than discrediting you. What is he looking at? Wow these sweets are delicious. Making wet mmmmm noises between bites.]

Oi, 'the hell is this? The aristocrat doing the grunt work task of note taking?! What's the occasion?!

[whorestria]

[Music notes, genius. Um excuse him, retrieving that watch, that was not cheap- ]

He- what plates?! I know nothing of any plates! Return my possessions, and stop prying-

[IT'S JUST A SONG. IT DEFINITELY DOESN'T HAVE IDLE SCRATCHES OF LOVE POETRY SCRAWLED ALONGSIDE IT. Not that you could read his writing without some kind of codebreaker]

[dererste]

[you'll have to put your hands in his back pocket to get that]

OI!! Don't cop a feel!! [wiggling away from you, He's ticklish]

HOH!! I see what this is now!! Composing some cheesy song, are you?! Kesesese!! Flowery prose, I bet!! Woki mit deim popo response song, or something?! Let's see!! I'll read it out loud for the world to hear!! "Ode to--"?! Who the hell writes old timey poetry these days, keh!!

[squint squint, your handwriting is awful, but you forget you've exchanged letters and correspondences with him for DECADES. NO CENTURIES.]

Did you write this on acid or something?! Sh-shit...are these I's or L's? O...Ode to...Lucia?! Hah. No--[sqquiiiiiiiiiiiiint. Gonna stop in his dodging you to angle the paper in the meme lights]

J's?!.... [get it while you can]

[whorestria]

[You think he won't? Because he is]

Be quiet and hand it over then, you fool-

[FEELING AROUND, WHERE IS IT- oh there it iIAHHSHFGAJDKSJ H]

It's nothing!

[YANKS IT OUT OF YOUR HAND WITH HIS FREE ONE because the other one is stuck in your stupid pocket and this iS AWKWARD]

[dererste]

KESSESESESESESE!! LIKE HELL IT IS!!!! Writing a song to my too beautiful twin, hah?!! Well then, I hereby demand you do the same for the too handsome, perfect, scrumptiously curved me too!! Keseesese!!! I'll even start you off!!



"Ode to Gilbert.

Thy buttock grasped through thy pants fabric
are as warm, as firm as sun-kissed fruit
hanging heavy and prime upon a vine
Forgive me,
I find my hands unwilling to part
from such delicacy."

[whorestria]

[REMOVES HIS HAND and takes his watch with it, god damn you]

Your metre is lacking and your lyrics are hackneyed. Furthermore, this is nothing of the sort so you had better go and ask someone else for such things.

[Grumbling and straightening himself out and putting that away deep in an inside pocket]

Heavy, indeed, more non-existent-

[dererste]

Tch! I was writing poetry, not a damn song!! And why should I? The legacy of Shakespeare stands before you, Whitney Houston!! Open up your damn eyes! I could write a song for me AND julchen that tops yours 5000 times!! [HUFFS. he HEARD THAT]

Mumbling under your breath, hah?! What did you say about my ass?!! I'll pull your hair so hard, I'll have you bent double and singing ballads in my honor, Romeo!! [you get an elbow shove because that was rude]

[whorestria]

What in the world are you talking about? [Shakespeare? Whitney???]
If you want to write songs about yourself, by all means, carry on- tch- !

[ELBOWS BACK, UNNECESSARY]

You are hearing things now. Romeo? Is that your preference? But, soft- or rather, hard- what thrown object through yonder window breaks? It is the East (Germany), getting hurled out by a mysterious interloper and utterly failing to assist me in finding the telephone.

[dererste]

[Squints at you, what are you talking about-OH THAT EMBARRASSING THING, WELL THEN,


SLAPS YOUR KIDNEY]


SHUT UP!! The sound of your voice is annoying even me now!! Today, hearing your boring voice drone on and on is too fucking boring to stand!! From here on, say nothing else for the day!!

1/2

[whorestria]

You started this entire conversation, you absolute-

[whorestria]

[HIT?!





fucking OW


doubles over in PAIN and wheezes something incoherent about IDIOTS and BRUTES and PRUSSIANS, all of which are synonyms in this instance]

[dererste]

[Whoah!! Look it there, a photo-op opportunity!!]


[Puts his camera on a timer on some nearby table or whatever and does exactly 5 different cool poses next to you while you are doubled over and being melodramatic over pain that will fade in a minute or so]

[whorestria]

[IT HURT, you unneccessarily violent jerk]

What was- that- for?!

[in his attempts to steady himself and stand upright, he's just going to STAGGER RIGHT INTO THAT TABLE AND KNOCK IT OVER, CAMERA AND ALL]

[dererste]

[YOU AND HUNGARY HAVE DONE WORSE TO HIM FOR LESS]

For my new alb--UUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! [SCREAMS AS YOU CRASH INTO EVERYTHING. HE HEARD A CRACK!!]

IDIOT!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??! [RUSHING FORWARD TO SEE IF HIS BABY IS OKAY. SCREAMS AGAIN. IT'S CRACKED, THE LENS ARE CRACKED]

KEEEEEEEH!!! M-MY CAMERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! YOU--YOU CRACKED MY BRAND NEW FUCKING CAMERA, YOU BLIND DUMBASS!!

[whorestria]

[What utter nonsense, you deserved every instance]

Ugh...

[Staggers away from ground zero, clutching his stomach. He feels sick. Maybe he needs a doctor, you've probably damaged something]

Be quiet! I shouldn't be surprised if I require medical attention after your unprovoked assault!

[Camera, what camera. Don't leave your things lying around, idiot]

[dererste]

[Freezes when you say the M word. Shuts the fuck up about his camera.]

Ah...M-Medical assistance? [cold. sweat. The camera he can fix, you.....not so easiy]

K-Kesesesese, You're pretending! Cut it out, Roddie, I didn't hit you that hard, right?! I didn't!!

["Roddie". He's using his nice suck up "don't be mad and get me into trouble" voice too]

[whorestria]

[Good boy.]

I feel terribly nauseated...

['Roddie'? Come on]

I need to sit down- hhgh-

[Look at him all drained of colour and dizzy looking, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE]

Nn- p-perhaps Liesel will prepare some chicken soup- I feel as though a fever is coming on...

[Yes, a fever from getting smacked a little, hmmm. Necessitating a trip to dear Schwester's to get her to play nurse and ask awkward questions]

[dererste]

S-SHIT!! D-Don't pass out from something so fucking small, you idiot!! [RUSHING OVER TO YOU to support you]

I can't fucking believe this!! Seriously?!! A smack makes you fall apart?!!! Damn it, you've gotten too weak, you've--You need to--[oh no]

Lo-Lottie---[PALES. PALES MORE THAN YOU HAVE]

NEIN!!! S-SHE--[SHE'LL BE SO ANGRY]

I'll take care of you!! Me and West will!!!! 'The hell do you need her for?!!! I'll take you home and fix you right up!!

[whorestria]

[L-leans on]

I am not- [c-cough...] I am not going to do that, you moron- h-help me to a couch or something at once-

[Dead weight, all shaky and pathetic, don't you feel absolutely despicable because you should]

I simply thought she would be most [COUGH COUGH] suited to assisting me...I am not sure I trust you to take care of my health!

[But you know, if you insist]

[dererste]

[WANTS TO CRY. HE FEELS AWFUL. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO HIM]


[In actuality, he DOESN'T want to take you to Germany because that camera was expensive and add you to the mix, he'll get this horrible, months long, boring as fuck, tedious, punishment and he doesn't want to deal with that shit]


[DEBATES]


[ma-maybe he'll get leniency points for being Lottie's boy toy.........]


awww, daaaaaammmnnnnn ittttt....FINE!! L-Lottie it is, but you tell her it was a freak accident, got it?!! I'll--I'll abandon you in a park dumpster if you're planning on blaming me for this!! Promise it!! Promise me you won't and I'll take you to her!!

[whorestria]

[Oh please, she'll know you're guilty the minute she sees you. But on the plus side, her punishments are over a lot quicker and aren't boring at all]

Ngh- I am not responsible for any consequences to your own thoughtless actions. H-hmph- but I suppose you hardly anticipated this fever, so I will accept that that is not your fault. N-now, just take me there, before I...

[He's...feeling faint...!]

[dererste]

[HE'S SCARED]

Pass out!! [scoops up bridal style. would usually carry you like a sack of potatoes but bridal style is more heroic and he needs as many points as he can get]


I don't want you conscious or speaking when we see her!! [OFF THEY GO THEN. RELUCTANTLY AND SLOWLY]