aphanon_meme | part 353 whalers on the moon

[IT IS NOT. SHE DROVE HIM TO THE TREE. He is going to sue her. And he'll do what he likes]

I SHOULD'VE DAMN KNOWN THIS WAS A TRAP!! I--YOU!! I WAS FLEEING FROM YOU!! You hysterical she-beast--AH!! [Cannot even speak coherently, EYES ALL WILD AND FEARFUL, what is she waving at him, OH MY GOD IS THAT WINE-- LURCHING FORWARD TO HANDS AND KNEES TO SCRAMBLE AFTER THAT FOOD. REACHING. REACHING FOR IT. Making Herr snuffles--jesus christ that name--go wild with barking bc of his yelling and sudden movements]

G-Give that to me!!

[HE COULD'VE GONE ELSEWHERE. She accepts no responsibility and will countersue for harrassment]

A trap? What are you going on about? I have been minding my own business- will you stop insulting me while I am being so generous?!

[Steps back and makes a face at his rudeness, but she relents, slowly and carefully lowering the pastry and flask to him WITH A SIDE OF CLEAVAGE AND DEATH GLARE. Poor Herr Snuffles. Don't you make fun of his name.]

Your manners are appalling. And you are distressing my pet.

[Who is angrily squeaking and nipping at his ankles now]

[She will lose all she has and he will be a very rich kingdom]

Like hell you have!! How long have you been waiting here, plotting for me, hah?! Your generosity is owed to me after all I've gone through because of you!! [SNATCHING the things out of her hands, devouring the pastry with one gulp and DOWNING THE WINE so fast he's dribbling it all over himself and he nearly chokes on it, hacking and coughing as he tries to BREATHE. Give him a moment. COUGH COUGH, ugh. FROWNS AT HER. All the while staring straight at her chest because he is a poorly socialized animal]

You're appalling!! And get your damn dog away from me before I smack him--OW!!! CHRIST!! Get him!! [YELPS as sharp doggy teeth scrape him. Scrambling up to his feet now. CANNOT KEEP HIS EYES OFF HER BOSOM it iS LIKE A SHELF AND HE DOESN'T KNOW how to politely ignore these things, IT'S Been a while.]

And you!! T-That dress--aren't you--too much--for it?!! I see you've been tucking away on cake while I've been eating ants!! Put on a damn shawl or something!!! They're all in my face!!

[She can afford better lawyers than him]

I told you, I am simply enjoying the weather. I have not been near here for- [FROWNS DEEPLY at him snatching things from her and making a mess of himself even more than he already was. AN ANIMAL.] Don't you touch him!

[SCOOPING UP HER PUPPY but not before he gets a good bite in AND SNUGGLING HIM TO HER BOSOM. In doing so, following Prussia's gaze there and inhaling in a scandalised way that only makes them more prominent]

Excuse me- refrain from commenting on my- p-person! Keep your unpleasant thoughts and gaze to yourself!

[CALLING HER FAT AND BEING LECHEROUS ALL AT ONCE IS TOO MUCH, SIR]

[S-Shut up. GROWLS AT BEING BITTEN. GROWLS AT HER DOG. He is too hungry for this, a pastry and some wine isn't enough for him and HE HAS SUSPICIONS. HE BETS SHE HAS HER MEN SURROUNDING HIM FOR AN AMBUSH OR SOMETHING TO TAKE HIM CAPTIVE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. No way she'd be alone just sunbathing and lunching. Who the hell is that carefree during a god damn war?!]

I don't buy it!! 'the hell did you bring with you, hah?! Reconnaissance maps?! [excuse him totally spinning on his heels and IGNORING HER AND HER JIGGLING MASSES and stalking to, first her horse to check the saddles only to find nothing of importance]

Tch!! Where are you hiding your plans, hah?! At the table?! Careless!! [Tromping over to where she was sitting....only to find more food.]

KEH!! If you're hiding anything inside...your...u-underthings...I'll turn away while you retrieve it and leave it right here!! [Talking like he is in control of this situation and can order her around. Excuse him, sitting down and smacking the seat next to him just to make sure she knows where to leave her vital information before helping himself to her meal with his filthy bare hands]

Edited 2014-06-08 22:40 (UTC)

[THE DOG GROWLS BACK. Who is that carefree? She is. This isn't her territory or his, it's just a park or something, geez. She needs to eat sometime!!]

What- maps? I keep telling you, I was eating- where are you going?!

[Darting after him as fast as she can in her skirts and heels, which isn't very fast at all, almost tripping along after him. Afraid he's trying to steal her horse, but by the time she reaches the wary-looking mare (who is side-eyeing impressively, for a horse), he's already heading for her picnic table]

I am not hiding anything- and certainly not there! How dare you even speak of my u-underthings, you horrible- wait!

[Setting her Dachshund down so she can launch herself at him and protectively remove most of her snacks out of his reach, goddammit, he is disgusting. Putting things back into the basket they came from, but whatever he's got his hands on she gives up on. Also a small herd of lapdogs is attempting to climb on him, so there's that]

I do not recall inviting you to lunch!

[He is peeling dogs off him by the scruff and tossing them, gently because he's not a brute, to the ground.]

Mother of God, train your damn mutts!! [By the time she has reached the table, he has claimed all the big courses of her lunch for himself, including an entire pie. As she tries to recover some, he's batting out at her, stealing apples and jams right out from her hand and depositing them out of reach in his lap.]

You're a damn liar!! No one is that stupid to be traveling alone to eat lunch! These weird metal things--the hell are they?! Weapons of some sort, hm?! Is this your military base?! Where the hell are your men?! A-And I'm not saying anything about your anything, I'm giving you an opportunity to come clean, you ungrateful weakling glutton!! [Talking with his mouth half full, slurping syrup and honey and sugary frosting and all sorts of stuff from his finger from what he's eating. Is she on a diabetes diet, jesus christ. This is all probably going to give him diarrhea from the shock]

[They are persistent and particularly so when he has food in his hands]

They are trained. You clearly have not been. Will you take your hands off my things?!

[THERE'S FRUIT AND VEGETABLES AND MEAT, OKAY, it's not all cake and more importantly, she made a lot of this herself and it is heavenly and wasted on him. ANGRILY SITS OPPOSITE HIM WITH HER BASKET, PROTECTING THE REMAINS OF HER MEAL.]

And don't insult my intelligence! I am perfectly capable of travelling alone- this is a field, you imbecile. A garden. Don't you ever eat outside in fine weather? As for my attendants, they are here or there, somewhere. [Shrugs, whatever, so she wanders off sometimes.] ...And that is a butter knife.

[STUBBORNLY IGNORING THEM]

If you won't train them, I will!! NO!! [BANGING the entire wine bottle he stole against the table to startle her dogs so they keep a distance that is respectful. There. Sticking a tongue full of gross chewed food at her before rolling his eyes and continuing to eat whats in front of him like an unstoppable man vacuum. WHY DID SHE TUCK INTO THE PASTRY BEFORE SHE HAD HER GREENS, HMMM?!!]

If you want them off, take them off!! I told you before, you're indebted for me due to my suffering because of your sake! This is all my due!! [Takes the pie he's stolen AND LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKS IT LENGTH wise for emphasis on his ownership and lack of need of anything. He may be a soldier now, but he's still a starving little boy knight deep down and he has no table manners unless he has good scary reason to]

Keh, I'm not insulting your intelligence, you're already doing that just fine by yourself, Imbecile!! I could've stolen your horse just as easily as I've taken your food and maybe the merciless and unforgiving me still will just to teach you a damn lesson and stranding people in the wilderness!! [what was that about being capable of traveling alone, again? There's a jolt as that butter knife comment gives him pause IS SHE SUGGESTING HE WAS ASKING WHAT THE KNIFE WAS]

S-STUPID!! What sort of man do you take me to be!! Not THIS!! [THAT MAEKS HIM SO MAD, JUST FLINGS THE BUTTERKNIFE OFF THE TABLE TOWARDS THE CARS.]

THAT!! THE HELL IS THAT!!!

Edited 2014-06-08 23:25 (UTC)

[STUBBORNLY CHEWING HIS ANKLES. You think a bit of noise and an unwashed angry pig is going to deter them in pursuit of chicken legs, you are mistaken. They are as spoiled and entitled as their mistress]

I had nothing to do with your suffering, you relentless oaf! You- disgusting boar- ugh! [PHYSICALLY RECOILING. Vile.] H-How dare you- how dare you even suggest- Nannerl would sooner relieve you of your teeth than let you ride her-

[Utterly disoriented, alarmed and bothered by the MESS in front of her in all senses, clutching her basket and a passing pug like a shield, and jumping a foot when he throws that knife]

D-Don't- aah! [FEARFUL...and then annoyed] Those are silver! How was I to know what you meant when you act as though you have never used silverware in your life, you abominable cretin! What are you talking about now?!

[Cars?

.....................Oh. Oh okay no she doesn't know either, BUT she is not so stupid as he is, so she tosses her hair as if it's obvious]

Carriages, of course. Have you ever set foot in civilised society?

[A FLURRY OF COLORFUL CURSES. OH MY GOD THEY ARE LIKE FURRY INSECTS, OKAY FINE, tossing them some of the food he's taken a good distance AWAY FROM THE TABLE.]

You and your dogs need a good smack or three, none of you know how to act, tch! And like hell you didn't!! Lying is a damn sin, you know! Deny all you want, the heavens will pass their judgment on you and bring punishment down on you!! [Nyehyheynyeh, excuse him while he continues to liiiiiiiiiiick every piece of food he eats slowly and deliberately]

Nannerl will let me ride her just fine, she's an old, stupid slow mare just like her owner! I've ridden the crazed beasts my Hungary calls tame just fine, I can handle some old nanny horse!! If you don't want a lesson in walking, behave yourself and do as I say obediently as a little bird!! [And she wants him as a husband??? She's giving him an inch with her fluster and he's taking a mile, totally walking over her because she's too riled to take control of the situation.]

First off, apologize to me!! You're stuck-up, bourgeoisie, persistent, rude and damn annoying and everything out of your mouth, including that, offends me!! A hungry man like the starved me doesn't give a cold hell about utensils!! This is finger food!! Anyway, as a woman, you shouldn't criticize a sickly man!! AND WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT SILVER!! Shut up and let me speak!! [SHE IS RICH ENOUGH TO BRING HER FINEST SILVER UTENSILS OUT TO PICNIC SHE CAN SPARE TO LOSE A FEW. oKAY now he's flushing a little because this next thing is embarrassing, BUT HE'S FEELING STRONG AND EMPOWERED, and stuttery with his voice cracking BUT STILL]

S-S-Secondly, verbally acknowledge o--our-- marriage proposal is null and void!! [said all rushed and quickly and then SUDDENLY SHOUTING Because he is not finished]

THIRDLY!! That is no damn carriage!!! They don't make them out of metal!! It's too damn heavy for the horses to pull!! What is it really?! Don't you dare lie to me!! You're rich enough to make a miracle happen, what the hell is it really?!

[And just like that they scamper away to eat it, BUT THEY WILL BE BACK SOON ENOUGH. SOON ENOUGH.]

Y-You- you-

[She wants to marry him, seize his assets and then lOCK HIM IN THE ATTIC FOREVER UNTIL HE WITHERS AWAY BECAUSE SHE HATES HIM. INTENSELY.

Listening to him piling insult after insult, making demands and otherwise being a BRUTE in the presence of a LADY who is worth a hundred of him, h o w d a r e h e. She is so flustered, but the more he talks the more his words blur into one big noise and the more furious she grows until she can take no more

sTANDS THE FUCK UP ANGRILY, BEARING DOWN ON HIM WITH HER TREMBLING DECOLLETAGE]

Stop shouting! And I neither know nor care what they are, if you care so much, go and investigate yourself! But firstly-

[SLAMS HER HANDS DOWN ON THE TABLE]

Shut your vulgar, uneducated mouth for once and let me speak! I won't apologise for anything to a waste of space like you, you are the cause of all your own troubles and mine besides! And you can leave my pets, possessions and person out of it! You are a despicable, dishonourable savage and you have no table manners!

[taKES A BREATH. CONTINUES, HEFTING A LARGE APPLE LIKE SHE'S GOING TO THROW IT POINT BLANK AT HIS HEAD]

And I will not be made a fool of now! As loathsome as you are, I utterly refuse to acknowledge any reneging on our engagement! Refuse! You will be held responsible for every insult you have done me, is that clear?! [Held responsible by being IMPRISONED IN MARRIAGE. This is no longer opportunism, but revenge.

And to drive the point home, have a battalion of small furry soldiers returning from their meal to launch themselves at him]

[Her standing up so suddenly startles him enough to make him jump and fall silent, staring at her and her DECOLLETAGE wide-eyed and open mouthed as she throws words at him right back. FLINCHES AT THE HAND SLAMMING JESUS CHRIST. She gets to see his face transform into a wonderful shade of red and his lips come close to twist into a sowl]

YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH SPEAKING!! If you won't fuckin' apologize to me properly like a damn lady, I won't give you my fucking gentlemanly ear! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!! [It's his turn to clatter to his feet only because her dogs are getting riled up by her shouting and trying to eat him. But he takes it a step further than she, CLIMBS UP THE ENTIRE FUCKING TABLE AND STOMPS ACROSS IT, mashing food underfoot and making a beeline for her horse]

LIKE HELL I WILL! Responsibility falls on you for being in-fucking-sufferable and a DAMN IDIOT! You're a damn hag of a woman AND I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO MARRY YOU! I REFUSE! YOU HEAR ME, I REFUSE! GOD AS MY WITNESS, I FUCKING REFUSE! [CROSSES HIMSELF LIKE SHE IS THE DEVIL]

I REFUSE TO EVEN LOOK AT YOU FROM HERE ON!!! Kiss my ass, you ugly sow! AND WEAR A DAMN SHAWL, YOUR DAMN TITS ARE PISSIN' ME OFF!! [approaching poor Nannerl who is already throwing her head and snorting fearfully and trying to take her by the reins]

Edited 2014-06-09 00:53 (UTC)

[SCREAMS AND STAGGERS AWAY FROM THE TABLE, oh my god he is actually a wild barbarian lunatic dO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT PIE DISH WAS]

GENTLEMANLY?! How dare you- how dare you- you- Preuße!

[Shrill with outrage now, at his incessant insults and most of all his attempts to shake off her hand in marriage. Backed up by a chorus of high pitched barking and shrieking to be heard over it, the whole cacophony frightening the horse out of her wits]

Stop talking about them- unhand my horse! [Oh no he doesn't, CHASES AFTER HIM ACCOMPANIED BY HER SUDDENLY VICIOUS ATTACK HOUNDS. But she doesn't particularly need to do anything other than call out to her horse- ]

Nannerl!

[ -who takes it upon herself to buck wildly and aim a very precise, very HARD kick in his direction]

[It's important to imagine everything happening in slow motion. Her fluffy cute dogs snarling and yapping as they rush towards him, Lottie furiously chasing after him, dress balled in her fists to keep her from falling, the horse bucking wildly and Gilbert struggling to keep grip on her reins and bring her to task, but getting distracted by Lottie and turning suddenly to hurl more insults on her just as Nannerl rips her halter lead out of his hands and turns into him to aim a BRUTAL kick right into his solar plexus.

There's the sickening sound of human flesh and bones being slammed into by powerful hooves and he sees a blindingly painful flash of white, red and then BLACK AS HE CRUMBLES TO THE FUCKING FLOOR. He's unseeing in pain and confusion for a moment, and in a display of his strength, sheer instinct and will power, he staggers to his feet enough to stumble out of a wild Nannerl's way BEFORE COLLAPSING AGAIN]

HHHH [ONE SHUDDERING, PAINED BREATH]

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!! YOU BIIITTTTTTTTTTCCHHHH!!!! [GRRRRROAAAAAAAAAAAAANING AND MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAANNNING AND GASPING AND WHEEZING IN PAIN AND SHOCK loud enough to wake the world oh my god THAT HURT]

Edited 2014-06-09 01:20 (UTC)

[Of course, to her, it all happens in a second or two, and to be honest, even she is surprised by Nannerl's violent, panicked reaction, because she's usually a gentle enough horse...if proud, and not dissimilar to her owner in her tolerance for rudeness. Still, Lottie screams and covers her eyes briefly as the kick connects; by the time she looks again, Nannerl has galloped away across the field to buck to her heart's content.

...Everything goes strangely quiet as she finally looks to Gilbert, even the dogs quieting to whimpers and circling nervously. H-He looks badly...injured.............um]

A-Are you-

[uNTIL HE SOMEHOW FINDS THE STRENGTH TO CALL HER A BITCH. UH, SHE DIDN'T KICK HIM. Asshole]

Well. I think I have had just about enough of fools who disregard warnings and continue to hurl insults at those who would help them. Hmph.

[Glares down at him, before wandering a bit helplessly in her wild horse's direction, not exactly willing to approach her but with nothing better to do. You know, like assist the dying, wheezing man on the ground, since he's so incredibly ungrateful and horrible]

[WHEEZING. CAN YOU BLAME HIM, THOUGH. CAN YOU REALLY BLAME HIM]

HHhh--W-Where the hell are you going?!!--H-HEY!! My ribs are broken!! You can't just walk away-- [They're just badly bruised thanks to his nation strength but what does she know]

W-What the hell happened to taking responsibility!! O-Oi!! [Talking really hurts man, PANICKING AT THE SIGHT OF HER WALKING AWAY, HE CAN'T GET UP, HE'LL LIE HERE PRONE FOR ALL SORTS OF WILDLIFE AND ANONS TO MOLEST. But he lacks the common sense to apologize]

LIESELOTTE!! [ABOUT TO CRY BABY VOICE, C'MON. take pity on him, he is in so much pain right now he's sweating buckets. THIS IS A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE HIM HER HOSTAGE]

[Oh hush, she's not going far, just hovering awkwardly and watching her horse gallop joyfully around a bunch of tents]

I shall never catch her at this rate...

[Pausing at his words, not looking back, but letting out an irritated, conflicted sigh.]

Responsibility? You refused to do so, did you not?

[BUT...him crying out her name like that and the worrisome breathy quality to his voice eventually tug on some kind of moral centre, and she turns back to him, frowning at the sight because he's shaking and sweating so much she's almost feeling it vicariously]

...Lie still, you may puncture something.

[...She's not a nurse, she's not actually sure what to do for broken or bruised ribs...just pain relief, isn't that all you can do? Well...alright, returning to the table to fish around in the picnic basket]

Hmm...

[Aha. Produces a small bottle of strong brandy, very delicately lowering herself to the grass in order to offer it to him. Looking rather put out and grumpy about it all, eyeing the hoof marks on his chest. God, what is she supposed to do without assistance]

I won't be able to move you, you know.

[he sounds more like a dusty bellow right now]

It's different!! [Panting, ow, ow, ow.]

I'm a fuckin' [Shaky inhale and exhale] s-saint and you're a--a damn tyrant. I won't take respons-[heave ho trying to breathe man]-ibility for your evil!!

[ignoring both her advice and her brandy, rolls painfully to his side before shakingly sitting up, left hand covering that spreading bruise]

Y-Your people are. [Long pause to breeathee, okay no more full sentences] close by. Right? Take me. Your place--doctor--Pull. [HEAVE HO HEAVE HO BREATHING]

We'll. Walk. [Right hand thrusting towards her for her to help him to his feet, slightly impatient and snappy. Pull him up. Has a lot of nerve asking for her help for someone so rude. If they start to walk away, Nannerl will probably follow eventually and they can ride her the rest of the way if he doesn't faint first]

Edited 2014-06-09 02:24 (UTC)

[Well, it seems he's still rude and stupid, even injured, even when she's willing to help him. The nerve of it all. Pockets her brandy then, fine.]

You will only hurt yourself more-

[Sigh. Ignoring his overblown nonsense and getting to her feet wearily, looking around at the remains of her picnics and deciding to abandon the silverware (and send a grunt to retrieve it later, obviously)]

Yes, my company is near...by...

[Hey...yeah, help is close at hand, but more importantly, so are lots of armed gentlemen who will be only too happy to keep this guy under supervision...HMMMMMMM]

You might at least say please. Very well.

[Strangely accepting of his rude, assholish way of asking for help because she has Plans. Reluctantly takes his hand in both of hers and tries to heeeeaaaaave him to his feet. HE'S HEAVY.]

[uses the momentum of her pulling to help himself up, holding onto her firmly as he does, using her for support because his legs feel like jelly. Just gonna

reach into her pocket and take that brandy, he NEVER SAID HE DIDN'T WANT IT. He's too winded to speak so he just grunts in agreement and off they go wobbling towards her company. Has no idea what he's getting himself into because he's sexist and thinks she's being so tolerant because she's acting like a proper lady. Also doesn't think she has anything more than maybe a couple of hand maids and a few weakling old men and young boys who do the miscellaneous labor. After all, she was just a lady having a picnic, so no way she can have her men with her, right? Right!

He's going to be in for a long, long, long, long, long, long ride]

part 353 whalers on the moon

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