aphanon_meme | part 353 whalers on the moon

part 353 whalers on the moon

We've been here over a year now! I can hardly believe it! Dreamwidth's been pretty good, I'd say, with almost no downtime to speak of and all that! Anyway... how is your spring going? Or I guess it's almost summer, isn't it? Hopefully it's been well! I've been catching up on work and new movies, all very exciting stuff, I'm sure.

Enjoy part 353!

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[wolf whistles!]

[glances around from his book...]

I assume that was in appreciation of Op. 73.

Appreciation of what?

[Ooh book? Yoink!]

What'cha reading?

The symphony in D major, you- mmph. [sigh]

The Prodromus Systematis Naturalis Regni Vegetabilis.

Volume four.

~Philistine~ right? You need to come up with better insults! Besides!! The sweet as a songbird me was "appreciating" how much fatter your ass has gotten since I last saw you!! Kesesesese!!

[flips through it...]

Plants? Boring!! Are you attempting gardening?

My insults are good enough for you. Please stop trying to combine as many inappropriate comments as possible in your opening remarks. [turns towards fully so you'll stop STARING at his SAME SIZE AS EVER posterior]

Attempting? What does that mean? I am cultivating herbs.

[ATTENTION GET she wins, but for the record it was compliment she likes his ass, okay?]

Bleeh, is everyone on their man-period around here!? Tch! And yeah, attempting!! Because the cool me can't imagine the little master on his hands and knees in the dirt!

[Well. She can but it's usually not in so innocent a context...]

[Then why call it fat?!]

I am in a perfectly amiable mood. And I have always been a keen gardener. [kind of. Now and then. For an hour or so when the mood strikes ~~or when apparently employed to do so by the dictator that must not be named~~] In any case, this will be done in small pots. I believe that by cross-pollinating a variety of mint with a certain type of lemongrass, the resulting herb will produce a fine sorbet...

[...]

And what are you doing today?

[All the better to grab it, my dear]

Says the guy who makes the help pick all your fruit trees!!

[YAWNS through all of that, here have your stupid book back she doesn't get it.]

The cute as a little bird me is out enjoying the sun!! And the heat!! And getting away from slimy little toads with dick envy!!

[Not in public]

That is completely different.

[you are so rude. Takes it back and sits down, hmph]

I did not think toads would be particularly common in such dry weather. I have not seen any.

[and then the last part of that sentence reaches him]

I beg your pardon?

[FLOPS DRAMATICALLY NEXT TO YOU yes allow her to whine about her tragic life.]

You've seen this one!! He's a little under 6ft tall with old man hair and has the misfortune of sharing my name without any of my awesomeness!!!

[Aaaaand here comes the whiny half-truth making herself the victim part] Speeeeeecccsssss, he keeps bullying me!! The innocent as a baby dove me was humoring an anon and he got all defensive and starting sending me nasty abusive letters about his sex life and how great his dick is and how much bigger than yours it is!! And I even did the mature thing and didn't respond and he put it all onlineeeeeeee!! Heeeee's slandering meeee and now West, and all our brothers and sisters, and our boss, and the Americans spying on us are gonna see!!! It's not fairrrrrrr and- [and on and on and on she goes whining about the TRAGEDY of everything until you give her TLC]

Edited 2014-07-08 14:46 (UTC)

Oh...him.

[Slowly turns to stare in the face of this impressively annoying tirade until it starts to blur into an EEEEHHHGGGGNNNNGGGHHHHHH sound with the occasional vulgar word

...

puts his hand over your mouth]

Excuse me. Did you say- [cough] -why was I mentioned in all this? [bigger???]

[Excuse you this is not TLC, this is not TLC at all. But hand over the mouth does make her shush, though she's still got puppy eyes turned on you.]

Mmmmppft ffmmft ppmmfft mm hmm!!

When I remove my hand, please explain concisely what the problem is.

[Takes it away!]

[tries to use words that you will understand...!]

Gil is being vulgar and harassing me with unfounded statements about my anatomy and your anatomy and his anatomy!

[okay no this is too hard, how do you even talk like this all the time!?] He's insulting and slandering me left and right and then had the audacity to get mad at me and shut me out of his life completely!! [Therefore she wants sympathy and reassurance that their sex life is better than Gil and Lottie's!!]

....And you came up because he said I was inexperienced with men because of how much bigger his dick is than yours! Which now all our friends and bosses and everyone who uses Facebook can see and will gossip about. Including Frankreich. [See this is why you should care. Casually doesn't mention that line had anything to do with her assessment of dick size, her explanation accurate in essence!]

[Alright, vulgar, check. Anatomy, good, he's following, nodding along. Why can't you talk like this more often? It's much easier when he's not distracted by cursing and obscenities]

I see. You have had a typically juvenile quarrel. Shut you out of his life? [that is a dramatic sentiment for just unfollowing you, he does not understand. And how is he supposed to know if their sex life is better? He is certainly better at it than Gilbert, but then it stands to reason Lieselotte is better at it than you..............]

And then what hap- [Ah, there is is. The distracting phrasing that makes him go red and sputtery] I- I fail to see the correlation- what?! [FRANCE????????? FACEBOOK????] Whatever is being spread around, I want removed immediately! Why are you both constantly discussing these things?!

[Considering how much of their lives are lived on Twitter and the Internet at large it's effectively the same thing! Especially since Miss Grudge Holder here has decided to employ the cold shoulder method to deal with him.]

I can't he blocked me from everything!!! I wasn't discussing anything!! I told you he only put it online because I wouldn't reply to it!!!

[Clings to your arm and WHIIIIIINEESSSS see see being the bigger party only made things worse! And better sex life in the healthier sense!! She's never called you a prostitute!]

The innocent me is being attacked from my own home! I wanna stay with you for the rest of the week- no, two weeks!!

[NONSENSE. GET OFF THE COMPUTER.]

Then demand he remove it in person?!

[He does not understand ANY OF THIS. Stares at you clinging like the snow monkey you are, bewildered. And there's healthy, and then there's sexually satisfying. But no, he has set the bar pretty low with that little escapade]

Attacked? I am not following- two weeks?

[two weeks of cooking for and entertaining you???]

[THAT'S CRAZY OLD PEOPLE TALK

Huffs at your lack of understanding. But not going to explain further because now they've gotten to the point she was trying to reach! And excuse you, at least she's never caused you to suppress any memories of actually sleeping with her!!]

The helpful as a little bird me will do all the cleaning! [If she's properly praised for it. She can also cook a little bit or order take-out but she feels like you would reject those options on principle!]

Edited 2014-07-08 17:28 (UTC)

[YOU ARE A CRAZY OLD PERSON

Fine, he'll remain befuddled while she takes advantage of his hospitality. And- well- no- but he doesn't suppress memories of Gilbert because it was bad, just because it was Gilbert!]

Tsk...if you allow me peace and quiet and cause no mischief in my house, then very well, you may stay for...a time. [PROMISING NOTHING. No, he will cook, thank you. Unless you want to cough up the cash for dinner out]

[SHE IS YOUNG IN SPIRIT!!

And it's not taking advantage so much! She wanted some time with him anyway! This is a thing that people who lo-li-something each other do!! ~~Besides even before Gil started antagonizing her she really was starting to feel insecure and jealous over their other halves~~]

Two weeks!! It's gonna be awesome!!! Oh, we can watch the game tonight right!? I'll give you a blowie if we win!!

[winks and drags you back to Vienna before you freak out in public again!]

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part 353 whalers on the moon

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