aphanon_meme | part 363 paper snowflakes

part 363 paper snowflakes

It's... December! I can't believe it's almost the end of another year. Time is weird. Anyway! There's been a lot of neato Hetalia news in the meantime! That game ~~(that I can't get working but will look at videos and screencaps of so I can play vicariously)~~! The image of the first doll! The musical promo images!! What are you most excited for?

Enjoy part 363!

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Who never realized there were so many suit porn blogs. But like, it's suit porn as in nice suits, not suit porn as in actual pornographic content. There's surprisingly not that much gay porn with suits, or at least not with nice expensive-looking suits, which is surprising to me because if nothing else stereotype overwhelmingly suggests there's some correlation between gay guys and dressing fancy so wouldn't you think there'd be a market for that sort of thing?

...I'm still genuinely sad there's no m/m historical reenactment porn. Or even people drawing it.

:'| Can we have an AU in which everything is the same but the entire Napoleonic Wars was fought through competitive striptease? Fuck if I remember any of the battles, but daaaaaaaamn everybody looked sharp. If there was an awards show for best costume design in an international armed conflict, that's where my vote would go.

I'm surprised! I thought I remembered reading that historical m/m romance novels had undergone a small popularity boom a few years back. But then again maybe they skip over the clothing stuff...

Oh, I was thinking of visual porn, be it drawn or live action. Bondage + modern military/police/firefighter/other uniforms is obviously very popular, but man it'd be hot if they threw some period costumes into the mix... granted, it's probably an unnecessary expense and hassle "DO IT WITH YOUR TEETH" "...ok dude but zippers haven't been invented yet so there's like 15 buttons guarding your dick, this might take a while"

Romance novels don't do anything for me; they're never as kinky as they think they are, and from my admittedly limited experience of them they're too mushy for my taste. It's a lot easier for me to like romance when it's in fanfic because I already have an attachment to the characters from their non-romance canon material.

In fact these days, I think I'm actually more turned on by scenes of conflict and enmity in scifi/thrillers/etc than by actual smut...

What about you, anon? What's pulling your strings lately? What do you want in smut that isn't common or doesn't exist?

Yeah, figured it's a different market, but thought it might not hurt to try! Still, color me surprised they don't make it, considering what they probably do make!

Someone's gonna get bit on the dick. (Or they could make it a bodice-ripper! A bodice ripper for the nuts.)

I've enjoyed the One-Punch Man fandom's cyborg smut, which seems to be tricky to find in good quality. Really interesting idea, though.

Hahaha a bodice-ripper for the nuts... hm... codpiece-bopper? Breeches-breacher?

That scene where Genos gets RIPPED APART is a good example of one of those times I'm more turned on by a completely non-sexual but hits-my-kinks-better-than-smut fight scene.

I'm also deeply amused by all the jokes about how it's not safe to have sex with Saitama, since who knows what one thrust or one clench form the one punch man could do to you. Someone drew this great comic where Saitama comes and the strength of his jizz throws his partner through the wall and into the sky... so beautiful :')

it might be connected with the fact that fancy male fashion, especially of the custom-made variety (as I suppose historical costumes might be, at least well-done ones) might cost a lot. Like, a shitton. There's almost no mid-way between A Thousand Different Casual Styles and fucking Prada.

I mean, those are not the kind of clothes you want to get bodily fluids over.

If you want to give it a try you might want to look into erotic cinema of the Seventies in Italy and France. There were a lot of "historical" erotic-to-porn movies being made in that period, thought I suspect about 100% of them were heterosexual and about 90% of the erotic content would be gross kissing and boobs. But the costumes were good as far as I remember from the glimpses I tried to catch on very late night tv, and the young male actors are usually cute. I think they simply used leftovers from"serious" tv-shows and movies. Since Italian and French cinema wasn't as rich as American Hollywood they had to get more mileage from costumes and sets.

Very true. Still, you'd think there's probably enough leftover bits and bobs from like... Shakespeare productions, that somebody would recycle them for a different kind of theater...

Oh man that reminds me back in seventh grade we watched this 60s (if I'm remembering right) Romeo and Juliet movie, and there's just the one scene in which Juliet's boobs show for a second and our teacher was crouched over the remote like a cat on the hunt waiting for the exact moment to lunge on fast-forward and -

she got the right time, alright, but somehow there was a problem with the fast-forward/rewind so the film just jerkily replayed Juliet's boobs for a full minute or so while the class completely lost their shit.

Anyway, I'll check out this lead, thanks for the tip! :D

By the way, which time period's clothing do you find sexiest?

if you mean the Zeffirelli version I remember watching that movie with mum, but not at school. It's considered a really good version IIRC - there was a time back in the Sixties and Seventies when Italian cinema was actually really innovative and cool and ground-breaking and stuff. Then...stuff happened.

Man, I really don't know if I'm even sending you on a wild goose chase but I remember a lot of historical movies with erotic or semi-erotic scenes. And there are also some "historical" movies of the period that are actually really stupid but I watch sometimes just for the setting/costume porn (e.g. the "Angélique, Marquise des Anges" series which is not erotic except the occasional heaving bosom palpitating out of its bodice but it's just...stupid historical romance novel in movie form - but it's just. So pretty. If you can stand Michèle Mercier looking like she's about to fall asleep at all times and everybody pretending really hard 1960s Robert Hossein with fake scars isn't incredible bara hotness despite all evidence to the contrary, at least. It's a guilty pleasure of mine, I know it's stupid, 'k?).

I watched A LOT of Versailles No Bara when I was a little babynon, so my mind kind of...fixed on that kind of pre-revolutionary French Royal Guard uniform - tight trousers, knee-high boots, high-collared jackets, and floofy chemises underneath. Oh, those floofy chemises. Nobody could wear a floofy chemise better than André Grandier.

Also Hungarian Hussar uniform! I remember a fanart from ages ago with Hungary wearing a Hussar uniform, augh, it's probably lost to the fog of time now. If you like stuff that probably took ages to close up but looks really pretty and shiny Hungarian and Balcanic old uniforms are the way to go.

I also really like the terribly fake, vaguely "Greek-Egyptian-exotic" dresses artists came up with to represent Sybils, magicians and enchantress, especially 1800s Decadent and Pre-Raphaelite artists. Like the couple Circes by Waterhouse.

Edited 2016-01-03 23:27 (UTC)

I'm not sure which version this was, but I do remember the music was really great!

Yeah, I've watched a lot of meh movies where the costume design had better charisma than the stars. To be fair, a lot of historical dramas are just not my thing to begin with; even when well-performed I have a limited patience for courtly romance and flowery declarations of whatever. But, at least they look good! And I looked up Robert Hossein, dang... I actually think he's hotter with the scar, hur hur

Yesss high-collared jackets. And I feel like the hussars/the cavalry from just about all the european nations tended to have the best and flashiest uniforms - all that braid, and especially when the sort of half-cape thing over one shoulder - so badass!

Yes, those robes are quite beautiful - love the bit of nip showing through too. Good job Circe, even if you're going to turn them all into pigs you may as well show off first.

The only gay porn I've seen with suits is like... that menatplay or settings with older men and office plots. What happens when you need to know how dudes would bang wearing Armani suits for... writing purposes.

Historical sex with historically accurate menswear would mean powdered wigs being chucked aside as well as heels being kicked off right? Plus the frustration of 'how many buttons does this damn shirt have good God'.

Ah yes those are good! :D Especially when there's bondage, as there often is...

"Have you had a bath at any point this lifetime"

"Is that a hickey or a plague sore"

"How many layers are you wearing where the hell is your goddamn dick"

"I don't know how to get it off because I'm not entirely sure what that is or how my valet put it on me in the first place"

"Have you had a bath at any point this lifetime"

Nooooo @ because the moment is ruined when they smell crotch and start gagging like, sorry, date's over let's get a servant to run a bath.

"I uh... suddenly remembered my vows to the church SORRY LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS. WITH JESUS. WITHOUT TOUCHING."

I guess practically, people would just get used to the odor and the... eugh, texture... and the fleas...

...yeah I just try to pretend like everyone's magically, historically inaccurately clean for any historical clothing fantasies.

They be cleaner in 1912/19-20th century if banging in Stuart London is too dirty for you!
I mean then again you would probably crush your organs with the corsets but that's besides the point!

It gets worse because I totally have a thing for pirates, soldiers, knights, and basically everybody who would've had the absolute WORST hygiene. I'm attracted to the rough and wild lifestyle, the adventure and danger and fighting, but it's definitely a fantasy that doesn't hold up to close examination. :'D

'I'm attracted to the rough and wild lifestyle, the adventure and danger and fighting,'

So what you're saying is, you're attracted to APH Australia. Although I hope his personal hygiene isn't so bad as pirates. :P

I think with Australia you should probably be more worried if he accidentally brought any friends with him

Like lol is that a snake in your pants or are you just happy to OH GOD OH FUCK GET IT AWAY WHAT THE FUCK MAN

I mean, I expect he has a basic shower and bathroom facilities in his... I dunno... travel camper thing, or whatnot, right? Hopefully? Maybe?

Talk about a ménage à trois! Unless the snake is likes to watch, what a scaly voyeur.

I feel like England brings up his hygiene to knock Australia down several pegs. "You know I had to call the fire department to hose your filthy ass down and you STILL reeked afterwards"

Maybe, or probably he washes himself off in the nearby creek or something, or has it bucket does it all sexy like Hugh Jackman in that one movie.

Re: Ask a vuri

vuri - 2016-01-04 01:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Ask a vuri

bachmanroad - 2016-01-04 01:16 (UTC) - Expand

consider possible variant of historical porn: Romans. Romans loved washing almost as much as they loved whores of all sexes. And they loved whores of all sexes a whole lot

or areas under Arab control in the Middle Ages

possible with fascinating, dove-eyed young Arabian prince patiently explaining the ancient tradition of the hammam to red-haired European prince

Speaking of Romans you just reminded me, how much of a missed opportunity Rome is to the fandom when regarding smut? Like sex in those pretty and huge Roman baths? Possibly naked shenanigans while in the outside track? (I might be wrong here, but I remember learning out Roman gymnasiums with pictures of nude dudes running laps. Or was that Sparta?)

Plus Rome's like a... DILF, like fandom why aren't you on that?

tl;dr: yeah, it is indeed.

The thing about the Romans that I find so weird is that their attitude towards sex is at the same time more straightforward and filthy and much more innocent than ours. For example, nakenedness during sports was just something that happened because people considered it more convenient than sweating through normal clothes - it had no special erotic meaning, though that didn't stop people from ogling the attractive boys, of course.

But yeah, Roman times especially are a huge missed opportunity. You might have some misgivings about the morality of certain attitudes if you were writing serious historical fic, but for writing pretty shiny smut...yeah. You can go with baths, you can go with the gym, you can go with tents in the battlefield, you can go with temple gardens, you can go with gay sex, lesbian sex, orgies, most sex acts you can think of, you can just. Go. And you'd rarely wouldn't find some kind of literary/historical/material proof that the Romans hadn't at least thought about it.

THANK YOU GRANDPA ROME ;__;

"In our language we say 'lechuga,' and that means 'you disgust me please get in the goddamn water you filthy animal' and I think that's so beautiful"

After washing he discovers that the red-haired European prince is in fact a blond. There was just that much crap in his hair.

I'd read that fanfic. Hell, I'd watch that three-part epic smutty historical movie. Angel, Comte of "and no, dipping it in jasmine-infused mineral oil very much does not count as washing it and yeah I can tell just wash yourself please".

Uh...

[He has so many questions, but so little answers]

[Here's a late Christmas gift for miss Vuri]

Oh wow, thanks to anon!! :D

And thank you too Sweden. :) ...though you should probably flee this thread before I start asking about your personal experiences with screwing in ye olden day clothing.

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